1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
