it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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