My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
