and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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