would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
