Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
