Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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