Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
