the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
