Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
