I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
