I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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