So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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