Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
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Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
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I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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