i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
