I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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