Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
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