Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
