our cab driver is having phone sex.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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