ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
