you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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