Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
