I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
