how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
