why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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