I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
