What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
