i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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