dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
