we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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