So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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