last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
