Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
