best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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