i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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