You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
