If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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