I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
