Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
