So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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