Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
