Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
