you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I am mentally ready for anal.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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