Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
