you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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