Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
