Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
