my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
