Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
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I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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