I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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