Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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