FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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