47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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