just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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