the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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