i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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