Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
