he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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