look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
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Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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