he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
