Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
