He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Acid is not a monday night drug
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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