tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's official drugs can't kill me
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
