Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Randomize
