we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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