You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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