You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
sex in a hospital.. check
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
