note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I want to fling myself into the sun
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
