I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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